College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
