he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
