I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
