no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
