32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
