I didn't shave. On purpose
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
