Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
