I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
