I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
