Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
