tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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