I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
