we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
