She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
