We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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