Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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