Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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