I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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