I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Acid is not a monday night drug
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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