PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
