Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Randomize
