benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
