just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
