ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
