The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
