using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
