i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
