absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
