last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
