I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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