Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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