Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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