he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
