Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
