so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
