just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
