Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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