my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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