I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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