Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
