ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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