Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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