Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
