DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
