To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
