i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I believe in your delicious
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
