Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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