yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
