the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
