its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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