cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
