Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
