He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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