One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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