He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
