Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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